In Steve Gallagher’s book, “At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry” he describes four motives for why people engage in sexual sin and sensuality. The first motive that Steve describes is “The forbidden” or what I like to say is the “things we cannot have”. In our modern self-indulgent Christian world and culture, we have seem to have forgotten that Scripture does tell us that we cannot have everything that we set our eyes upon or desire in our hearts.
In the Ten Commandments the tenth commandment is “you shall not covet”. In the Exodus 20 narrative of the Ten Commandments we see that coveting your neighbors house was communicated first and then coveting your neighbors wife is second. (Ex 20:17) Then in the Deuteronomy 5 narrative of the Ten Commandments, God straight out says “You shall not covet your neighbors wife, and then He moves to the house, servants and animals. (Deut 5:21) I wonder if this is because 40 years had passed and Moses is now reiterating the Law to those going into the Promised Land and Moses had the experience of the sinfulness of sexual immorality in God’s people which destroyed them. (1Cor 10:8)
And what is covetousness? According to Colossians 3:5 it is idolatry. To put it simply it is, “having a great desire for something or someone which has not been given to you by the Lord and where you are willing to sin in thought or deed to have or experience it”. All things which we have comes from God… every perfect gift comes down from your Father in heaven” (James 1:17) and so what you do not have, God has not given to you; yet.
So how does this tie together with a motive for sexual sin? It ties together because every time you lust, every time you view pornography, every time you masturbate or commit adultery and/or fornication, you are sinfully trying to get someone who belongs to someone else. They either belong to another person in some way shape or form, but ultimately they belong to God, and He has not given them to you. So then you become guilty of covetousness which is idolatry and you are putting yourself and your desires above God in that moment.
God has not given you that person you are fantasizing about. God has not given you that person you are committing adultery with. God has not given you that person that you are masturbating to in front of their image or in your gallery of images in your mind. Sexual sin is a discontent with what God has given to you. And when you are discontent with what God has given to you, in any area of life, you then begin to covet what has not been given to you, and covetousness is idolatry.
How many Christians are worshiping idol’s instead of the living God? How many Christian men and women are discontent with what their Father has given to them, and begin to sinfully try to fulfill their own desires and cravings? The Christian heart in American and the western cultures are filled with covetousness, we want more, expect more, desire more and we have the preachers telling us we deserve more and more. We have become self indulgent and self fulfilling, even to the point where we begin to rationalize and justify our sin. If we don’t want to stay married, we divorce in order to find someone else who we desire. Rarely in the counseling of couples going through divorce do I hear that if they divorce they are willing to remain single for the rest of their life. Usually I hear, “I deserve someone better, someone nicer, someone more exciting…”
There are things which God says you cannot have, and in context to sexual sin, that means anyone to who you are not married. If you are coveting someone God has not given to you, to be married to and live until death do you part, then you must repent of covetousness. In Mark 7:18-23 Jesus tells us it is the things which are in our hearts which brings defilement to our lives. Confess your covetous heart before the Lord, confess you discontentment with what He has given to you; whether your spouse or your singleness and celibacy. Confess your idolatry where you have put the worship of other people above Him. Confess you self indulgent and self serving heart and ask Him to give you a new heart.
I know that if you go before the Lord with a true heart of understanding and brokenness that He will forgive you and He will uproot covetousness from your heart and you will experience a new freedom to resist the temptation of sexual sin. And He will give you a contented heart for what He has given your life, and you will be a better steward of the things He has given you.
One of the greatest stands a man can make against sexual sin is to appropriate the Grace of God for the purpose of self control of his eyes. We live in a highly visually sensual society where women are encouraged to be looked at and men are encouraged to look. Even in the Christian community, when appearance and modesty are brought up in conversation it solicits a reaction from both men and women. Women respond against being told that modesty should be considered because they interpret that as being told what they should wear by someone; and men respond against this conversation by saying it is no big deal how women dress because they can handle it.
Job 31:1 says, “I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I look upon a young woman?” A covenant with my eyes? What does that mean, how is that done? A covenant is a binding agreement and pledge; it has depth, somberness and integrity. It is more that just waking up in the morning and thinking about being on guard about what you look at during the day. A covenant promotes a solid change of life and lifestyle, not just a cautionary warning that says, “you shouldn’t be looking at this.” A covenant changes the way you live and function in life. Consider the covenant of marriage; “forsaking all others and keeping only unto your spouse as long as you shall live.” Now that mandates a few things; no more dating, no more flirting, no more independence, no more availability for intimate friendships with a woman. It also mandates exclusiveness to one woman who is the focus of your desires, thoughts and attentions.
So when Job says he made a covenant with his eyes, he understood that the eyes feed his soul, whether for the good and benefit or the evil and destruction of his soul. Job understood that this meant a resolve to eliminate all unnecessary associations with environments which would promote any kind of temptation. Let’s face it, when a man is in sexual sin, the eyes play a significant part in that sin. Primarily the sinful heart is the issue, but the eyes are feeding the heart. And I have found that most men I counsel struggle at eliminating visual things from their life; television, movies, locations, internet… men will fight tooth and nail at keeping some access to these things justifying the reasonableness of doing so. They say that it is just, “unreasonable, not practical and too rigid to take such a strong stance concerning their entertainment and relaxation habits. Even wives resist at the thought of not watching their favorite programs or going to their favorite places for the sake of their husband who is in sexual sin. To me, that is just pure delusion. If you think you can overcome sexual sin while feeding the lustful heart you are deceived. This is a must, a necessity and a scriptural mandate to make a “covenant with your eyes.” And that means an absolute forsaking of all things which titillate the lusting soul. If you are serious about conquering sexual sin, then you must become serious about forsaking all other stimulus.
Psalms 101:2-3 says, “I will behave wisely in a perfect way. Oh when will you come to me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart. I will set nothing wicked before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me. A perverse heart shall depart from me; I will not know wickedness.”
In this Psalms we see some important points for a strategy to live out on a daily basis, let me highlight them for you.
To be wise in our behavior; to be blameless in our motives and intents of our heart.
Foolish reasoning will keep you in bondage. It is not foolish to know that you cannot handle something because of sinful propensities, that is wisdom! Foolishness and pride go together and lie to you saying you can handle it, and then ensnare you into sin.
You must rely upon the grace of God for every decision and stand you make to kill lust in your heart: “Oh, when will you come to me?”
Most sexual sin and temptation happens behind closed doors, in secret and isolation. And it is because of the idolatrous heart of lust that men begin to worship at the altar of sexual idolatry in their homes or in places of reproach.
The covenant of setting nothing wicked in front of your eyes in a imperative, a command, especially for those who struggle and wrestle with sexual sin. The determination is this: “I will set nothing.” This is not a suggestion, and if you are serious about victory in your life, then you will walk this out in obedience and eliminate all the carnal reasoning in your mind.
You must begin to cultivate a “hatred” or at least a dislike of the “WORK” of those who are not serving God; not the people but their work. It is amazing how many Christians are enamored by the product of those who do not serve God; from the movies to their music and to their pornography, Christians are a fan of the work of the wicked. You must begin to hate this work and do not allow it to take hold in your heart. A great barometer for your desire is if you cannot live without watching or viewing the work of the wicked. If you think you cannot live without seeing the latest blockbuster movie coming out, then you love the work of the wicked.
Create singleness of heart to love God, serve Christ and purify your heart and flesh. This becomes your primary motive of daily living.
Cleansing your conscience from dead works so that all of the remembrance and images of wickedness are taken out of your heart so that they are not easily accessed in your thoughts.
If you are serious about becoming free from sexual sin and enslavement you will begin to challenge the things which you look with intent at.
The same guy, a different girl… what a tragedy… what a mistake… I beg for God’s mercy and restorative power to come to these girls who have been violated by this perverted man and pastor…
As a Pastor of a small local church, I have had many become upset with me concerning the standards I insist upon in the congregation I minister to, which are in place for checks and balances. Such as “married” youth directors and never a man privately interacting with a woman, or a woman privately interacting with a man. Since we are a family integrated church, our children are highly involved with their parents and our youth director’s prime focus is the parents and how to serve them. All youth events are “family” orientated, the whole family is invited, no seclusion or “teen only” mentality. Standards are high, visibility is high, no driving alone… and the inconvenient list goes on. Modesty is also enforced, young girls are not allowed to dress inappropriately and young men are to dress appropriately as well. As a matter of fact, this philosophy runs through are whole church… why? Because we live in an over sensualized society, on the street, in the magazines, in our movies and media, everywhere you turn the idolization of the human body is confronting you. Nudity and sexual imagery is prevalent. And the worst of it is society today says that it is all right. Girls are taught that they are to be looked at and so market what you got; boys are taught to look… but the truth is you can only look so much before you want to touch! And that goes for young and old alike.
So men, it is up to us to stop looking, turn your eyes, don’t pay to see sensual images on the movie screen, turn off your TV, and guard your heart and eyes. Pastors, raise the standards no matter how much $$$$ it costs you in people leaving your church. We cannot serve God and mammon, so we must serve Christ by setting the standards high once again. I am not talking about legalism or legislating the attire for church attendance, but what I am saying is when something is inappropriate, address it without hesitancy. What you don’t address, you endorse. Will it make everyone happy, I think not… but we are not called to be men pleasers, but pleasers of God and His ways… Retain Honor!
You know… my posting of these sexual sins in Pastors lives is not for the reasons of condemnation or judgment, but to stress the point that something is clearly wrong in the “ways of living” in the Christian men and Pastors. And then to exclude biblical standards for Elders and bring them back into the pulpit as soon as possible really confounds all common sense and blasphemes the Name of Christ. Then we rename adultery, calling it an affair… no wonder nothing powerful is happening in the Christian Church in America… look at these two news headlines of moral failures…
So… why do two men who have large churches and some prominence, wife and children, friends and family, risk everything they have become and are and shall be for sex? Proverbs 6:26 tells us men that by means of a harlot, a man is reduced to a crust of bread… we have too many “crusty pastors” in the pulpits in America. Don’t think that these men were weak either… Proverbs 7:26 says, “…she has cast down many wounded, and all who were slain by her were strong men.” It is not that these men weren’t strong preachers and leaders, but they were weak in some areas where the Word of God admonishes to be strong in. Proverbs 6:23-24 tells us two key things; first a strong devotional life in the commandments of God… not just studying to get the next big message, but studying to have the light of God’s Word penetrate our fleshly and carnal desires. Second, Reproofs of instruction. Why was a man of God going into a “gentlemens” club in Paris in the first place? Was he there alone? If he was… why in God’s Name was he? And if he was there with others, where was the reproofs of instruction? Did he have only “yes men” around him who were to afraid of loosing postion and pay to say stop? There is just so many things wrong with the open access and freedom of todays Pastors… we are not corporate business men… we are shepherds of the “Family” of God! When we begin to look at ministry as a business model, then business perks and priviledges are then looked for. But that is not what Jesus died for. I could go on and on concerning the “errors” and “set ups” that these men tripped over before the first fall… God have mercy upon them.
I have finished reading the book, “The Reformed Pastor” by Richard Baxter who was a Puritan. I think every Pastor ought to read this book, to get a fresh perspective upon the call of being a Pastor… let me close this post with a loose quote from the book… “Don’t undo with your lives by what you say with your mouths”… in other words… we preach the Gospel of Christ, Heaven or Hell every week… the saving of souls is our calling… so don’t undo what you preach on Sunday Morning with the way you live your life the rest of the week.
Here is yet another story of a 49 year old man violating a young 13 year old girl. This is a story which produces many emotions in my soul… all I can do is cry out for God’s mercies upon the Church in America and its ministers.
The sexual deviancy of today’s men in every area of life is becoming an exponential problem and exposure. From Governor’s to coaches, ministers to priests; sexual sin, adultery, perversion, molestation and abuse are becoming a regular headline event. It is the judgment of God upon His people when He uses a foreign nation to expose and to harass His people when they are in sin.
Isa 47:3 – “Your nakedness shall be uncovered, yes, your shame will be seen; I will take vengeance, And I will not arbitrate with a man.”
La 1:8 – “Jerusalem has sinned gravely, therefore she has become vile. All who honored her despise her because they have seen her nakedness; yes, she sighs and turns away.”
Eze 16:36-37 – “Thus says the Lord God: “Because your filthiness was poured out and your nakedness uncovered in your harlotry with your lovers, and with all your abominable idols, and because of the blood of your children which you gave to them, surely, therefore, I will gather all your lovers with whom you took pleasure, all those you loved, and all those you hated; I will gather them from all around against you and will uncover your nakedness to them, that they may see all your nakedness.”
Men, turn from all manner of lusts, “Flee youthful lusts” the Apostle Paul said to Timothy, a young minister. We must begin to restore and rebuild the God given placement of men, men who can control their desires, men who can put their family above their impulses, men who live sacrificially for their wife and children, men who do not look at the woman who dresses provocatively and wants you in her power. For every time an immoral woman can get you to look at her, she now has the command of your life and attention, and you have given over you honor to sensual pleasures. Men become weak in a society when they cannot control their souls and minds. Don’t give your honor away, retain honor.
This is what I am talking about, men gone crazy with lust and perversion. And the ignorance of this church having this man with an obvious past of being a sex offender confounds the intelligent mind. Too many men who have committed sexual sins while being a Pastor desire everyone to give them a second chance in ministry, or allow them to continue being a Pastor; I do not believe this should happen. Now I am not talking about forgiveness, I am not talking about mercy, but I am talking about being disqualified for the place as a Pastor. Restoration, sure; how long to wait, a long time and with a multitude of counselors willing to endorse and stand with this man as he would enter again into ministry. Yet, when will we understand what the Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinth 6: 18, “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” Sexual immorality has a far reaching effect when committed, because it carries a profound characteristic of the person’s personality. A man who desires for the stain of sexual immorality to be forgotten does not understand what Proverbs tells us in Proverbs 6:32-33, “Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will not be wiped away.”
Men, Retain Honor… do not give your strength over to women. Get the Fruit of the Spirit of self-control… don’t yield to lust and perversion because you will become a slave to it, fight the Good fight of Faith and Lay hold of Eternal Life… rise up o men of God and fight the spirit of this age…
One of the greatest hindrances for men is complacency. You know the stuff… delaying to do what you know you must do; making excuses for why this isn’t the right time to start; apathetic concerning your approach to life, what is going on in the world around you, what is going on with your family which you live with; and all the while you say in your mind, “I will get to it sooner or later” or, “It will be taken care of”. But some how you still never seem to have the right enthusiasm or motivation, and depression settles more upon your life as you retreat into media entertainment or your secret life which may or may not include sins which will destroy your soul and your loved ones around you. Just look at the headlines of our politicians and ministers who are dropping like flies from moral failures, embezzlement’s and just plain sin which have never been dealt with because of complacency.
In the Book of Proverbs it shows us men plainly that complacency will destroy our lives… Proverbs 1:32 (NKJV) – For the turning away of the simple will slay them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them… When we fail to deal with that which needs to be dealt with in our lives and around us in a aggressive and timely way, then we are allowing the “demons” of life to come in and take abode and begin the process of eliminating us from masculinity, headship and effectiveness in what God has given to us. Remember the Garden of Eden? Adam failed to do what God told him to do, and that was to keep the garden. Adam was complacent with that which God had given to him. He started out good, Adam named the animals, yet he began somewhere to yield over to “Garden Life” and in the process did what God had told him not to do. And thus his life around him was destroyed, and his family line was impacted by his complacency; that is you and I! We have inherited Adam’s sin, imputed and passed down to us and we as men must begin to turn off the TV, quit worrying about what the final score was, quit being driven by modern media hype to see the latest and greatest movie or newest DVD release, and believe if we begin to fight complacency and once again tend our “Garden” that God will once again move upon our land in an awesome and mighty way to turn the tide of the deterioration that is happening before our eyes. Our families will benefit, our churches will benefit, our communities will benefit and most importantly you as a man will benefit because you will regain that “Honor” with which God has crowned you with. Look at what Hebrews tells us…
Hebrews 2:5-7 (NKJV) – “For He has not put the world to come, of which we speak, in subjection to angels. But one testified in a certain place, saying: “What is man that You are mindful of him, Or the son of man that You take care of him? You have made him a little lower than the angels; You have crowned him with glory and honor, And set him over the works of Your hands.”
What are some of the areas of a man’s life which complacency affects?
Your relationship with your wife… (Do you spend time talking and listening to her; being a friend to her; and without any other distraction going on so she is your total focus?)
Your relationship with your children… (Do you really know what is going on in your child’s private life? Are you helping them prepare for their future and aiming them in the path they are to go?)
Your moral purity… (With all of the immoral visuals which surround and impact our society, are you keeping you thoughts pure and you eyes straight before you? Remember, immorality will reduce a man to a crust of bread… {Proverbs 6:26}… don’t get crusty!)
Your business of life… (Are you being diligent with everything God has put into your charge? Or are you creating a vacuum by your complacency where others must fill the void you are creating. Especially in your home, a wife will automatically fill the void you create, and then you begin to blame her for being controlling and un-submitted to your headship…)
Your faith… (Are you diligently and passionately seeking God in prayer and the study of His Word? Do you have “faith” in your life that is living and vital? Do you believe that God is active in your life leading you and desiring to manifest His blessings to you?)
God is searching out the men of His Kingdom and seeing who is diligent and passionate about His cause in the land. Look at what God says in His word to us men… Zephaniah 1:12 (NKJV) – “And it shall come to pass at that time That I will search Jerusalem with lamps, And punish the men Who are settled in complacency, Who say in their heart, ‘The Lord will not do good, Nor will He do evil.’… Are you even complacent about whether or not God will do anything at all? If you are nonchalant about God’s activity in the affairs of men, that is the height of being in complacency. When you are in the routine of religious duty, going to church and doing your religious duty, then going to lunch and being more excited about the ball game after the service, that is a sign post that your are in complacency… fight it, fight it, fight it! Call it sin in your life and begin today to do one thing that you have been delaying in. I am going outside and tearing up my lawn right now and starting the garden I have been talking about for a while now. Be blessed!
Eric Hensley
Retain Honor 